Crazy driving

Bibi Baskin

When first-time-to-India tourists arrive at our hotel the conversation usually goes like this: 'Welcome to India. Welcome to Raheem Residency. I'm sure you're tired but tell me, what are your first impressions?' 'Kerala looks beautiful', these ashen-faced people will say. 'but we had a crazy driver bring us from the airport.' 'No, you didn't,' I say. 'They're all crazy drivers.'

Let's look at the opposite picture - how driving western-style appears to the Indian who makes a first trip to Europe. I roughly remember a quotation about this from a travel magazine. Describing a typical main road, the writer said that he saw rows of cars like a line of ants in perfect formation moving along with great discipline. That's the West, full of rules and regulations, which the average person takes seriously enough. It would be comforting for the Western tourist if Indian drivers followed suit. It's a pity their holiday has to start with a white-knuckle ride from the airport to the hotel. For me as a Westerner and despite having lived in India for six years, it's the uncertainty, the utter unpredictability of not knowing when somebody is going to whiz by your vehicle on the inside; the careering around blind corners three abreast; the lack of proper head and tail lights at night, the indicators that are rarely used and the dreadful tendency to move off from a stationary position without checking your rearview mirror. And then the crowing glory - the relentless honking of horns, a cacophony of sound that destroys any hope of an Om Shanthi moment in a day.

The latest buzzword in the automobile industry in India is infotronics, which is basically the use of electronic processes in the car to increase safety and comfort. According to the buzz, this will allow for 'greater ability to monitor traffic, proper regulation of traffic signals and even record the medical history of accident victims at the crash site.' The business media are bullish about these developments. The car industry is elated. I say Get real, boys. Cut out the fancy techie stuff and learn to drive like a nice little row of Western ants.

(Bibi Baskin is a former journalist and TV presenter from Ireland who now runs a heritage hotel, Raheem Residency, at Alleppey Beach, Kerala. She can be contacted at contact@raheemresidency.com)